Heyyyy, I'm at a coffee shop with my partner right now and he's reading Batman and im done planning in my little work journal thing, but im trying to cut out social media, so i figured I'd write something here.

I considered just writing it down in my bullet journal work thing, but i decided against it because i really love writing my thoughts out on here. I'm kind of split because i love the privacy of a journal on paper but damn do i love website!

Avoiding social media had been HARD. I will go to my phone with yhe intention of like. Googling something and i will see the instagram logo and it makes me enter a fucking fugue state and I wake up drooling with 25 minutes of my life gone and a video of some stupid shit on my phone. Needless to say, i have a problem dog.

I figured my website would be a good outlet, so i may trying putting some more work in here? No promises though. I love computer and i love the Internet, im just so tired of interacting with it through social media alone. I dont know how to explain it other than it makes me actively dumber.

I also have a problem with using chatgpt when im having a health anxiety episode. It's really not an excuse but i have moderate to severe (depending on the day) OCD and being able to like seek reassurance though my phone is like surface level satisfying. Really it's one of the big things with OCD is the constant need for reassurance that whatever sensation or symptoms I'm experiencing is within a normal realm and isn't immediately like cancer or heart failure, which are common themes for myself. I started using ai for health stuff before i think yhe general consensus was that it's hot garbage (which it is), so now it's become a part of my OCD compulsion cycle.

Again, that's not an excuse, i guess it is, but I don't like it in myself. I feel like it's changed my perception of my own ability to do work and research and think. I just feel so dumb with it, which sucks because historically i think of myself as a smart person. Now i just watch Instagram reels, watch youtube, play overwatch, get anxious, use AI. Really disappointing honestly. Im trying to make steps to improve that part but i think that i should probably go back to OCD therapy, because that's realistically the only thing that will break the anxiety loop.

Oh well. Anyways ive been like tamogatchis a lot. My boyfriend is a major collector of the devices and he convinced me to get a gen 2 classic and i really loved it. I got zuchitchi and he died and i cried. I've been collecting a lot of stationary for it, but it is double edged because it feels like super consumerism and like I'm throwing my money away.

Idk dog. Im trying to save as much as possible so we can move out of this fuck ass state, so spending money makes me feel bad rn, which is honestly probably needed because i spend way too much.

Anyways, my partner has been done reading for some time now and wants to get lunch so im gonna let ya go. Talk to you later!!

Heyyyy. Long time no see, gay people on the internet. I've kind of fallen off the web dev wagon, but weirdly I still like love this website. I know that may sound wierd, but usually after like getting oput of the rose colored glasses-fugue state of hyperfixations, things I do when in that state, look like meh in general, but I'm actually so proud of how this has turned out, even if it's low-key been abandoned for the time being.

SH3- Okay so since I've updated everyone last time, I've officially finished Silent Hill 3. I know, I know, I'm really cool. It was very good, probably tied with SH2 for me, but for very different reasons. I might do a full review one day, but know that I loved the game and I love Heather.

Moving- Okay so I'm not moving yet, but my partner and I have decided that we're at a point in our lives where it's time to make a BIG MOVE. Currently we live in central Florida, which is honestly quite bad. I hate the weather. I hate the people (for the most part), I hate Orlando, it all sucks. As of right now, we're looking to move to Portland, Oregon. This could obviously change, but we're thinking of taking a trip to Portland in like February (wish we could afford to do it sooner) to make sure we think it'd be a good fit for us. I'm so excited for cold misty days. FUCK.

After that, We're gonna make a decision on where to move specifically and start saving a LOT of money. As much as I want to get there as soon as possible, I am also unwilling to do it with any level of risk. So i want like a new car, I want to sell all of our shit, sell my partner's car, sell literally everything save what will fit in an suv and a small uhaul trailer, and then a lot of money to gauruntee we have both moving In AND moving out funds (we fucked up the bedroom floor in this apartment so I want a lot of money saved to ensure we can pay off any securty deposit type shit. Anyways, it's like $15,000 that we want saved, which is going to take us like 2 years unfortunately. Unless anyone wants to cashapp me several thousand dollars.

Other than that, I'm living my life. I want more money but like who doesn't lowkey. I'm just vibing for rn, thinking of oregon and the rain and the woods. Hopefully we'll get there sooner or later.

Here's just a quick little update! I'm not going to go into detail because honestly I don't feel like dealing with it but I've been getting really into audio and music. Writing that out kinda feels like "oh I love seeing and hearing" but I promise I'm serious. I got the Snowsky Echo mini as a digital audio player and ripped all my CDs to it. Maybe I'll upload random shit here? IDK? I think it could be fun to make all my files public but that's like 10000% piracy and I don't wanna go to prison.

I also wanna do playlists here for folks to listen to but once again… IDK how to do that in the web context. unfortunately I don't have tons of interest to keep doing major website updates so it'll probably lay dormant for a good while with just random blog updates for a while.

I also know myself enough that if/ when i come back to the site, I'm gonna want to do a full redeux, which is horrible. I wish I could come back to a hobby without feeling like I need to completely restart. Anyways. That's about all the mental bandwidth I have to type like fucking 500 words, how embarassing. Okay BYE

Kinda stuck w/ my silent hill fan pages rn. I partially wanna do a classic breakdown of plot, Characters, etc. but i also wanna do an audio maybe visual thing. I really struggle with writing long form content, especially because i hate doing outlines and drafts.

I love talking about the things i like but I don't necessarily enjoy doing extended writing about it. A part of me feels like if i like these IPs then i should have no problem writing but fuck does it just linda feel like a struggle.

Im also like. Idk, i want this to be a part of the website and not a youtube video. I considered doing like a voice over where I could talk about each game and have basically an edited transcript with pics and videos, but im not 100% sure. To the two people that visit my page, what do you think i should do? Tell me in my guestbook!

I watched the backrooms yesterday!!! I went with my partner and our friend Meagan in the morning to see the movie on the big screen. It was great! I won't spoil anything but there's a crazy chaotic sequence in the middle of the movie that blew my FUCKING MIND. it plateaued a bit after that but it was genuinely thrilling. (so scared I teared up, my god)

Okay so my partner has been struggling with some back pain that has been getting worse and worse so today I called out from work and we went to urgent care. blah blah blah. sciatica. blah blah, who cares, I got the day off work BITCH. With that said, I have a weirdly important job so I couldn't just fully disapear but my absence was at least expected so I've gotten to chill. On top of this, my boss is super chill and cool and isn't making me use PTO, so I basically got a free day off. literally gooning over this my god. Maybe I'll talk about what I do for work at some point because I love alt people in corporate spaces and wanna talk about how I manage that some day. Whatever.

My hyper-fixation on this site continues, much to the chagrin of my job and all the important relationships that I deny for the sake of making a square orange or green. I'm working on a new reviews page atm, which will probably roll out in the next few days (or maybe later today who knows). Okay anyways, my mini-blog isn't so mini so I'll go now.

Today my partner and I went to our favorite coffee shop but the vibes were a little off. We both woke up late, and had just a full series of minor inconveniences pretty much all morning. Then I tried on some shirts that didn't fit on my big ol' body and it just fried me a bit. It's alright though. We both did a reset and are doing a bit better now. I've been polishing off the new home page and am really loving it! In fact, if you're reading this now (unless you're supah far in the future), it's on the new site! so Yippee!

In other news, I'm going to see the Backrooms tomorrow!! We've been putting it off for a while bcuz we wanted to see it with a friend but I don't want to wait too long and it goes out of theaters or something so I pulled the trigger and bought tickets for tomorrow. RECLINING SEATS! Hopefully if I'm motivated enough I'll write a review… we'll see!